I was on the verge of suicide and it might have costed me a friendship.
As you know I fell inlove with a girl named Leanna Collins.
We made plans to get married and I was to become Chrystofer Wynn.
Well not long ago we broke up, Got back together then broke up again.
Well that really fucked me up mentally.
It made me feel like I wasn't good enough for her.
Well our friendship began to decay after we broke up.
And it might have ended tonight.
I really hope it hasn't.


>:How much do I care bout her:<

Well does the phrase " Commit suicide without her? " mean anything?
I love this girl with all my heart.
Maybe too much.
I guess I became addicted to her.
Well tonight I ended up dropping to low into my depression.
I was planning on killing myself with three ways just to make sure the deed was done.
Thanks to my friend on Sl named Ocelot Gears.
I'm doing slightly better.
She basically helped me say " Fuck Leanna...I'll find somebody better. "
I still do want to be Leanna's friend. It's really important to me.
And who knows...Maybe I'll still end up with her as my wife....
But for now...Kaine(Artistichippie) I hope it works out for you.
Leanna(Killer~in~the~dark) I hope you can forgive me alright. You are really important to me.




If I survive tonight...I'll do a second journal tomorrow.

Well our relationship was going strong.
I guess it wasn't meant to be though.
Me and Leanna broke up.
I am shattered over it but heh.
Seraphim the hedgehog is a strong willed son of a bitch.
I'll survive and I'll be stronger cause of it.
Now if only I can find the fucking ducttape so I can peice myself back together.

There is a song I've been listening to as of late called Alias and it's by a band called In Flames. The chorus of the song is what catches me the most more so a certain peice of it fits me perfectly right now.

Don't tell me,
Tell my ghost,
Cause I blame him
For all I don't want to know


I've had alot of stuff on my mind as of late and it's been affecting my relationship with Leanna to the point where I can't even call her back when I say I will. To be perfectly honest I feel useless for her right now with her real father havn't passed away this week.

My friend Char has me all upset cause she can't tell what the hell her hanging out with her friend Will is doing to me either.

I'm sorry Leanna....for being not much of a boyfriend as of late..Hope you can forgive me..